What I did next.........................

Well, I don't think it was my fault. Not really. Just sort of. You know what happens - you forget to do something correctly - or in the right place. Like forgetting to open a 1½ litre bottle of cola over the kitchen sink before you take it to where you want it.

That sort of thing. Perfectly normal memory lapse. Typical.

So, as I had been using the Monster at the time, I trundled back and put the bottle of cola on a shelf at my side until I wanted some. Which, of course I did. So I picked up the empty glass, and opened the bottle of cola to pour some out. As you do, you know.


And the bottle went WHOOSH. All over me. All over everywhere. And all over my week- old brand-new (bit of an oxymoron there I think) keyboard.

PANIC PANIC PANIC

Calm down. Turn keyboard over and hang it part way over table - thereby tipping the cola in it on my lap. Luckily it was diet cola, but that's besides the point. Second thing, move The Rucker away from the table. Third thing, get on the floor, with a torch between my teeth - move the Monster out so I can see it.

(All the time soaked in cola, and now sitting in a puddle of it)

Trace cable from now well drowned keyboard, and try to disconnect. And try again. And again. Third time lucky. Keyboard placed upside down on floor.

Go get a towel (or three) and then get mouse-eaten keyboard from top of cupboard. Oh yes, forgot to say it took me ages to get up from floor, remove soaked clothes, and get back on The Rucker. And then the whole performance in reverse.

(Pause for breath)

Where was I? Oh yes, back using the mouse eaten keyboard. Left the drowned one upside down on towels to dry out for a few days (sitting on top of the washing machine). And then re-connected it. And it typed shrudlu. A week old, and never called me Mother.

Phoned Effie - please buy me TWO new keyboards - and another computer mouse while you're at it, just in case..............................And waited until he had them (as they had to be ordered).

Sure enough, he turned up with the new keyboards (and two mouses but that's another story). "Where is the drowned keyboard?" Back in it's box on top of the cupboard. Duly brought down, and re-connected.

And, of course, it worked perfectly! Well it would, wouldn't it. So - now - in their boxes - in a large plastic bag - on top of the cubboard - are

One mouse-eaten but usable keyboard.

Two brand new keyboards.

And three computer mouses.

Unfortunately that isn't the end of the story.................................

Now he has to get me a new computer box because I smashed the front of the Monster when I ran into it on The Rucker....................