How to shower HRH

1 - Wheel into shower room, reverse out pulling shower chair.

2 - Get hold of a plastic chair and push it into shower room. Reverse out.

3 - Get a load of towels for myself, and a load of hers for HRH.

4 - Undress and change from lecci chair to shower chair.

5 - Politely request HRH to jump on my lap (ouch, those nails need clipping).

6 - Wheel into shower room and politely request HRH to shift from my lap to the plastic chair.

7 - Remember that I've forgotten her shampoo, and have to reverse back to get it.

Stay HRH - don't move.

8 - Wheel back and realise that all the towels have fallen from the loo and are now on the floor.

9 - Pick up towels and put back on loo (next to the shower).

10 - Shower HRH.

Stay HRH - don't move.

And don't shake yourself either.

11 - Grab towel and throw over HRH.

12 - Grab more towels and put on lap.

13 - Politely request HRH to move from plastic chair onto my lap.

14 - Reverse out.

15 - Remember that I'd forgotten to put more towels on couch.

16 - Couch will dry.

17 - HRH happy to get on couch.

18 - Shift from chair to couch, and dry her off.

19 - Go back in shower to remove plastic chair.

20 - How many more instructions do you need?!!!

HRH's Diary

9 am - Turn over and take up more of the bed.
10am - Now she's got herself up, do you think I should ask to go out?
11am - Nothing interesting going past at the moment, think I'll come in.
Noon - I think I'll ask to go out again.
1 pm - I think I'll come in again.
2 pm - Why is she asking if I want din-dins yet?
3 pm - I want my din-dins NOW.
3.10pm - I need to go out NOW.
3.20pm - That's better - let's see if I can reach the couch from here.
4 pm - I think I'll ask to go out again. And then come straight back in.
5 pm - I want din-din seconds.

And then out. In. As and when I fancy, making sure I always need to go out just when she is having something to eat.
Or she is on the phone.
Or she is plonking on that thing again.

.....until
.....after the "out" at around 7.30pm
.....when

It's
Bikkie time!

Woof and tailwags to everyone. My human has been doing some strange things over the last few days. She decided that the nice soft thing that goes on the bed I allow her to share (she sleeps under it, I prefer to be on top) had to be taken off for the "summer".

Is that the word for when it is so hot that I have to keep moving from place to place on the stone floors to try and keep cool?

Well, it wasn't my fault that the big soft thing was draped over some chairs outside, was it? I thought it was there for me to use as a hammock. But my human wasn't too happy when I did.

Boy, does that human of mine get cross over such silly things.

Today was the day that she had to put that stuff on the back of my neck to stop the itchy things and blood sucking things keeping away. Don't tell anyone, but I am very pleased that she does such things, however, it doesn't stop me from the crying and "mummy, mummy, why are you doing such nasty things to me" sort of stuff.

Gotta keep making those humans feel guilty.

Hee hee hee. Wonder what else I can do to get my human all flustered again.....

Diaries

Dog's Diary

7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!
2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!
3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mum! My favourite!
7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!
8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!
11pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!

Cat's Diary

Day 483 of my captivity.....
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangly objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction that I get from clawing their furniture.
Tomorrow I will eat another houseplant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded - must try this at the top of the stairs.
In an attempt to disgust and repulse those vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair. I must remember to try this on their bed.
I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was.

Hmmm, that did not work according to plan.....

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing "allergies". I must learn what this is and how I may use it to my advantage.
I am convinced that the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.
The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I have patience, I can wait, it is only a matter of time.....